


Feeling Better

by CariZee



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Harry's not dead but he doesn't have a speaking role either, M/M, Unexpected revelations, technology for the heck of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:09:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5899423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CariZee/pseuds/CariZee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So, Harry returns from the dead and most everyone knew cept Eggsy. Eggsy's real mad, because even though he cried to Merlin every night for months and the man comforted him to help him deal with his mentors deathe - the two of them growing super close - Merlin never told. Eggsy feels all betrayed and hurt because he was going to tell Merlin how he felt but now he doesn't know if it was real and angst angst, but with a happy ending preferably a kiss coming from a fight but I'd really anything you want works, :)"</p>
<p>That's WashIsBoss' lovely prompt. I hope my story fits the bill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling Better

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WashIsBoss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WashIsBoss/gifts).



Eggsy emptied his fifth magazine of the night rapid-fire, unloading ten bullets out of his Tokarev at the moving targets down range. Ten rounds per magazine; that was such shit. Didn’t they have extended mags for these fuckin’ guns? They ought to, save an agent the hassle of ejecting and reloading so goddamn frequently.

He’d thought that before tonight, before he was so angry he couldn’t look anyone in the face for fear of punching them. He’d even mentioned it to Merlin, two weeks ago in the control room. Eggsy had brought JB along for the visit, and the little traitor had run over to Merlin as soon as he saw the man, beggin’ for one of the treats that was kept on hand specially for him. Eggsy had pulled over his chair— _his_ chair, Jesus bleedin’ Christ, what a laugh—and chided Merlin as he gave in. “Gonna make him fat, you are.”

“Then I suppose you’ll just have to run with him more often,” Merlin had retorted, shamelessly showering the little dog with affectionate pets before making him sit for a treat. He had great hands: long, strong fingers, callouses that seem to cling a bit when you made contact with them…not that Eggsy’d had many chances to feel Merlin’s hands, but he’d thought about it a hell of a lot. No shame in fantasizing, long as you kept it you yourself, yeah?

“And I do mean run _with_ him, not _for_ him,” Merlin had clarified as he straightened, looking down his long nose at Eggsy. Stupid posh bastard. He was lucky it worked for him.

“You’re the one feedin’ him, _you_ take him out for a walk. ‘Sides, all the sittin’ around you do day in and day out, you could probably use the exercise,” Eggsy had replied, just for the pleasure of seeing Merlin pinch the bridge of his nose. An evening spent with the other man hadn’t been complete if Eggsy hadn’t made him utterly exasperated at least once.

“I could run your arse into the ground without breaking a sweat, lad,” Merlin had scoffed. “Don’t get cocky just because you’re a Kingsman now.”

“’Cept I ain’t, am I?” Eggsy had said morosely. “Not yet.”

It wasn’t that he’d wanted to be the next Galahad. The thought of taking that name, when _Galahad_ was so firmly, utterly entwined with _Harry_ in Eggsy’s mind, made him feel sick. Eggsy hadn’t wanted _anyone_ to be the next Galahad, but he’d thought after saving the bloody world, he was entitled to being _someone_ at least. Somebody who could do things, somebody who was more than what he’d felt like when Harry had left: a failure.

It had been the subject of many late-night discussions with Merlin, the older man striking a balance between commiseration and insistence on following protocol. Everything would turn out for the best, he’d assured Eggsy time and again, those brilliant, beautiful hands cupping his shoulders and pulling him in instead of pushing him away. Merlin had never asked Eggsy to leave him alone, never called him out on wasting time, just tried to find ways to redirect his boredom into learning new computer skills or, failing that, physical training. “You wouldn’t want Roxy to completely decimate your scores when she comes back from her mission, would you?” he’d challenged Eggsy.

Eggsy had given Merlin a crooked grin. “Eh, she’ll always decimate me, mate. But yeah, I should keep my hand in. ‘Cause I’m gonna be workin’ soon, right?”

“Soon, Eggsy,” Merlin had promised him, somber but earnest. “Very soon.”

What a fuckin’ maestro of a liar he’d turned out to be.

_Bang. Bang. Bang._ Empty again. Didn’t matter; Eggsy had a whole box of ammo to go through, even if he did have to pause now to reload the magazines. He popped the cartridges in smoothly, his hands working fast even though his mind felt fractured.

Four fucking months, they’d all kept this secret from him. Four _fucking_ months he’d been tearing his hair out, crying his fucking eyes out, to _Merlin_ no less, and oh, didn’t that just rip him apart now? Had it seemed more amusing or pathetic to the other man, having Eggsy break down in his office? Had he been secretly disgusted when he’d held Eggsy close until his tears had run out? When Eggsy had finally lifted his head, Merlin had smiled and brushed his thumbs over Eggsy’s cheeks. “Looking good, Eggsy.”

Eggsy had laughed, just a little bit, because there was no fuckin’ way he’d looked anything near “good” at that point, but he’d managed to reply, “Feelin’ better, Merlin.”

“I’m glad.”

That had been the beginning for Eggsy, two months ago. The start of all these fucking _feelings_. He’d liked Merlin before that, ‘course he had; the man had saved his bloody life, and vice versa. Roxy was his best mate, no doubt about that, but Eggsy’d never wanted her the way he suddenly found himself _wanting_ Merlin. He hadn’t even felt this way about Harry, close as they’d gotten before he’d fucked things up at the end. Had never imagined anyone else like _this_ , late at night in the nice new flat he shared with Mum and Daisy, his bedroom door very firmly locked as he touched himself. He’d thought about it: how it would feel to lie there with someone else, with Merlin, those gorgeous hands all over him, followed by lips and teeth and him beggin’ for more, which Merlin would give…once he’d made him work for it a bit.

Eggsy ground his teeth together and activated the firing range’s mobile course via his tablet. No glasses for him anymore, oh no, those were only for sodding _Kingsmen_. He got a tablet, which…well, all right, so it accessed all the same in-house systems the glasses did and Merlin hadn’t _had_ to give it to ‘im, ‘specially since he wasn’t official or anything, but how else was he supposed to get anything done? He’d be right useless without it. Eggsy resolutely didn’t think about how many rules Merlin might have broken by giving him the tablet, slammed the magazine back into the gun and sighted down the course.

This time the targets that sprang up were holographic, responding to changes in their light fields to know when they’d been hit. They moved all over the range, some starting at the far end and running toward Eggsy with the intent to tackle or knife him, others appearing in silhouette form, with a virtual rifle raised to their shoulders. One appeared only five feet in front of him, and he shot it straight through its damn mouth a split-second later.

He fired until he’d emptied his all his magazines again, but the simulation kept running, and so did the figure sprinting down the firing lane toward him, arms pumping, hazy face stretched in a rictus of anger. Eggsy kept his gun up and glared at it right back, until it shattered into bright red pieces at the very edge of the range, just inches away. Eggsy’s tablet chimed: _Target not acquired. Potentially fatal interaction._

“You could have stopped it before it got that far.”

Eggsy spun around, wide-eyed, to look at Merlin. The door to the firing range was just closing; he couldn’t have been here for long. Just long enough to watch Eggsy bite it at the end, then.

“By ending the program,” Merlin clarified. “Once you knew you had no more ammunition.”

“Not very realistic then, is it?” Eggsy said coldly, setting his hot-to-touch gun down on the bench next to him. “Bein’ able to stop something from hurting you just ‘cause you don’t want it to. ‘Sides, I coulda used a grenade on ‘im, but,” he patted the pocket where he kept his lighter. “I didn’t figure you wanted me to blow a hole in your fuckin’ firing range.”

Merlin stared at him for a long moment before sighing. “You’re upset about Harry.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Fuck the heat, Eggsy could take it. He began disassembling his gun. He’d clean it, hand it back in perfect condition the way it was meant to be, then bugger off like a good boy.

“I understand why.”

Eggsy laughed out loud. The sound grated in his throat. “Really? Do you?” He kept his eyes fixed firmly on the gun. “You get ‘ow it feels to be strung along for months, promised that you’re not gonna be left in the dark, nah, there’s a place ‘ere for you, Eggsy, and then have your sponsor, your fucking _mentor_ come back from the dead, and _fuck all_ , but everybody seems to be ‘specting him but you.” Now he did look up at Merlin, who flinched. It was meanly gratifying.

“You were hedgin’ your bets, then? Keepin’ me around just in case he didn’t, what, survive whatever secret fuckin’ surgery he was having that you thought I shouldn’t know about? Well, here he is. Back. You’ve got your Galahad, and I’m leavin’.”

“Leaving?” Merlin sounded genuinely shocked. “Why in the bloody hell would you be leaving? Has someone said something to you?”

“No!” Eggsy exclaimed. “No one’s said anythin’ to me, that’s the whole problem! What, you didn’t trust me to know? Thought I couldn’t keep my mouth shut? Or you thought I’d be sad about gettin’ the boot once he was back? ‘Cause I’m happy Harry’s alive, mate, but the both of you are fuckin’ wankers as far as I’m concerned. I would have gone with a fuckin’ smile on my face if you’d just been honest with me.”

“Ah.” When Merlin finally spoke, he sounded as dry as the Sahara. “So this is you just being an idiot, then.”

Eggsy actually growled, he was so angry. He slammed the half-disassembled gun down on the table. “Swear to God, Merlin—”

“No.” It was the same voice he’d used on Eggsy after the parachute test: soft, but totally implacable. Eggsy froze despite himself. “I listened to your rant, Eggsy, and now you’ll listen to me. You couldn’t be more wrong about the reasons for keeping Harry’s condition from you. Firstly,” he held up an index finger, “Harry was in a coma for over a month after being shot in the head. We weren’t even sure he’d wake up, and the whole thing was a touch-and-go for quite some time once he actually _did_ manage to open his eyes again. I couldn’t very well pass on the good news when I wasn’t sure if it really was good or not.”

He raised another finger. “Secondly, and this might seem cruel but it’s protocol for a reason: only active Kingsman operatives can know the locations and status of their fellows. The fewer people in the loop, the fewer leaks there are to worry about. That’s just good spycraft, especially after the Valentine fiasco, and I won’t apologize for doing what I deemed best for Harry’s safety.”

Eggsy felt his face begin to heat. “That’s not what I—”

“Thirdly,” Merlin went on. “Perhaps it was overstepping on my part, but I stand by it: I didn’t want you to get your heart re-broken.”

Eggsy frowned. This, he hadn’t been expecting. “What?”

Merlin leaned against the wall and shut his eyes for a moment. “That you were in love with Harry before he went to Kentucky was evident. When he died, you were devastated. You’re _still_ devastated, even though he’s back now—and rather confused, I might add. He had likely been expecting a warmer welcome than a ‘Sod off, you fucking wankstains.’”

Eggsy’s blush was gonna cover his whole body, at this rate. “Look, I was sufferin’ from shock, all right?”

Merlin shrugged. “Oh, I’m sure he’ll forgive you. Especially since all the other Kingsmen are in agreement that Harry should take the reins as the next Arthur. Which leaves the role of Galahad to you, if you can bear to take that chip off your shoulder.”

“Right, but…” Eggsy took a moment to collect himself. His anger had almost completely cooled, but his confusion was at an all-time high. “Okay. I accept that you were doin’ what you thought was best for Harry, an’ for me. But Merlin, I’m not in love with Harry.”

Merlin lifted one elegant eyebrow. “Your speech and actions beg to differ.”

“Oh yeah?” Eggsy challenged. “Did I ever say to you that I loved ‘im, then?”

“You didn’t have to—”

“I might’ve said I missed him, I was broken up, I wished I hadn’t left things the way I had, but did I ever say love?” Eggsy shook his head. “Nope. Harry was like a _father_ to me, Merlin, not a lover. An’ I hope you didn’t tell him I was in love with him either, ‘cause it’s gonna be hell apologizin’ to him anyway, much less havin’ to explain that I’m actually not into him that way.”

“Ah. Um.” Merlin’s eyes were wide behind his thick-framed glasses. His actually corrected his vision in addition to being a mini-computer, he’d confessed to Eggsy a month or so ago. “No, I didn’t say that to him. I didn’t think it was my place.”

Eggsy sighed with relief. “Thank God for that. Besides, it wouldn’t be right, would it?” he continued nervously. “Him bein’ Arthur, me bein’ Galahad…there’s, like, a conflict of interest there, yeah?”

“Ah, no. No, actually, there have never been any codified rules set in place about intimate relationships between Kingsmen. Mostly because it’s very rarely come up, although Percival and the former Lancelot carried on an acknowledged, if discreet, relationship for many years.”

“Yeah?” Eggsy smiled and stepped a bit closer to Merlin. “So it wouldn’t be a problem if, say, I was interested in someone who worked for Kingsman. _Not_ Harry,” he emphasized.

Merlin tilted his head. “I didn’t think you and Roxy were like that.”

“Me an’ Rox aren’t.” Eggsy stepped even closer, almost to within touching distance. “She ain’t the one I’ve been spendin’ every spare minute I could get with, is she?”

“No…”

“And she ain’t the one I’ve shared everything in my life with, is she? Introduced my mum to, even my baby sister.” Not that he didn’t plan on getting Roxy over to the flat to meet Mum and Daisy, but it had been Mum’s idea to meet Merlin after Eggsy hadn’t been able to stop talking about him. They’d all had tea together, Daisy carefully pouring Merlin a cup but splashing it all over his saucer anyway, and Merlin being just as gracious to her as he would be to the queen herself. Mum had teased Eggsy about his crush for weeks after that.

Merlin swallowed audibly. “No.”

“And she ain’t the one I think about every minute I’m not with him, can’t take my eyes off when I am, can’t even be mad about my dog likin’ better.”

“ _Eggsy_.”

Eggsy smiled and leaned in just a bit farther, close enough that he imagined he could feel the heat of Merlin’s body through his suit. It might keep out bullets, but it had done nothing to protect Eggsy’s heart. He hadn’t wanted it to. “You need to get your vision checked, mate, if you think there’s anyone I’m in love with that ain’t you.”

Merlin didn’t say anything; he didn’t look like he could, his mouth working but no sound coming out of it. Well, it was better than an outright no, Eggsy reasoned.

When Merlin finally did speak, it was to say, “Are you sure?”

Eggsy grinned. “Sure I’m in love with you? Yeah, ‘course. But it’s not…” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s not, like, that I expect you just to love me back right away, okay? I get that I’m not anybody’s firs’ choice when it comes to boyfriends, but if you’d just give me the chance to show you, to _prove_ it to you, then I know I can make you happy.” He stood there nervously, fighting the urge to fidget, or maybe run away.

“Eggsy.” Merlin reached up and put his hands on Eggsy’s shoulders. It was like being touched by lightning, shocking and electric. Eggsy shivered. “You already make me happier than I can say.”

“Yeah?” Eggsy breathed. “So, then…”

“Yes, of course I’m in love with you.” He leaned in and kissed Eggsy, not rough and biting like the lads he’d been with in the past, boys who’d had somethin’ to prove with every touch. Merlin’s lips were firm but gentle at the same time, inviting, absolutely _maddening,_ and Eggsy moaned as he leaned into the kiss, winding his arms around Merlin’s shoulders and pressing them together from head to toe. The feel of Merlin’s body against his felt amazing, like something he’d craved without even knowing it. Eggsy tried to deepen the kiss, but Merlin infuriatingly pulled back.

“Mmm, nae,” he murmured, his brogue thicker than usual. “Not now. Not when Harry’s waiting for ye and the council is ready to give ye a name. We’ll talk after.”

“Talk?” Eggsy couldn’t keep the incredulity out of his voice. “We’re gonna talk? Seriously, after that kiss, you jus’ wanna talk to me?”

Merlin smiled. “Good relationships are founded on good communication, and clearly we’ve got some work to do in that area. Besides,” he added as Eggsy felt a pout coming on, “I didn’t say that was _all_ we were going to do. If you’re game, that is.”

“Oh, I’m fuckin’ game, bruv,” Eggsy proclaimed. “Fine.” He stepped back and straightened his tie. “Let’s go find Harry. I’ve got to squeeze the fuckin’ life out of him for scarin’ me so bad.”

“We just got our new Arthur back, try not to damage him right off the bat,” Merlin replied. His tone was brisk, but his smile was still soft and warm. “Looking good, Eggsy.”

Eggsy grinned widely. “Feeling better, Merlin.”


End file.
